Nesting EP

by Anna Vogelzang

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1.
i’ve been walking through chicago thunderstorms i’ve been wearing other peoples’ ill fitting clothes i’ve been having imaginary babies with you i’ve been hearing paul revere yelling, “they’re comin, you fools” but we could start again / you could move to texas we could start again / i could always go back to school we could start again / if these plans don’t pan out for us, baby we can always start again iv’e been filling bird cages one by one i’ve been thinking some asshole made up forever just for fun i’ve been taking polaroids of all the trees in bloom & i’ve been drinking at this bar where i'm always the youngest in the room but i could start again / you can wipe the slate clean i could start again / i could always find another job i could start again / & baby i would lose my best friend but i could always start again i’ve been scaling mountains in my mind when actually it’s only one hundred & forty-two miles i’ve been mourning my own reckless tendencies but i’m still gripping tight to these early twenties & you are who i want / i swear to god we’re it babe you are who i want / to make dinner every night with you are who i want / i promise i won’t fuck it up this time cause you are what i want so let me be your carla bley let me be your monterey let me be your carole king let me be your wedding ring cause i have pushed my luck / i’ve seen what it can hold i sent out battalions you countered orange tea roses let me be your everyday i will put fresh flowers round the house while you’re at work let me be your everyday i will do my best to be the woman you deserve but how many times over / will we apologize for being poor wives or poor daughters poor sisters poor mothers to the men in our lives let me be your everything let me be your everything i think this city has stitched me to its sky but i will be your everything listen to the meter of the rain against the night
2.
06:04
rachel got married before she turned 27 moved up to new hampshire with her mother's old furniture she was the oldest, four sisters behind her one dad & two moms, and one god they all learned to fear but she & her new love built their house's foundation on a language that neither one knew how to hear well & so slowly but surely life began to unravel from the ribbon of their living room there amidst the framed pictures & recipie boxes the oldest got told she was too hard to love just like history predicted in patterns, in bloodlines in books & in bibles, in diary punchlines her love called her posessed, filled with unholy spirit while she praised her god with a bird in her throat her love could not see her goodness, said you're crazy like your mother & then he wept when she left him alone yes he wept when she left him alone well chemicals burn up & hearts can just give up but you've got to believe that you are something stronger & you say it feels like you're trapped in some building but fires were burning before we were born far before you were born her parents had met while they sang in a choir got married with jaws locked in southern michigan & they had this daughter, named her after a fighter but it also meant sheep in some other man's bible then her parents had another, then lost track of each other and the family of four turned to three & one two & two girls who grew stronger in the eyes of her sister and tattooed family trees in their arms & their mother got haunted & their father bought houses & they grew up in churches and backyards and stages & they both joined the circus, and it got complicated now it's 20 years later & the world is still tilted rachel's love flew away on her half sister's birthday came back three months later as if he had fought some war & yes, he had crawled over 10 thousand dark miles & he walked into their house like a ghost through a screen door she said baby i'm sorry, it's so nice to see you but you've got so much farther to go you've got so much farther to go chemicals burn up & hearts can just give up but you've got to believe that you've got something stronger & you say it feels like you're trapped in some building but fires were burning before we were born far before you were born the sky has turned pink tonight here in the midwest i wonder how things have turned there & how long's it been raining down in brazil does he miss the cold miracle of new england's air & sister maybe we are crazy, maybe we cry too easy but i'd say that's just one way that we've been called out and if you keep sending boxes of music to heaven i'm sure things will start to work out oh you know, things just have to work out
3.
04:05
spend an hour daily standing crushed on the train when I get to work I try to stay awake, but my brain it just can't forget you nothing good to watch even on cable TV wonder if it would be different if you were here with me top model marathons sit around get paid oh, boy, what else should we do? we'll stay up sleep late quit this shit & run away we'll start a restaurant the stock exchange we'll settle in vermont & balloon race this weekend love is making me tired write you songs make you feel like you're in bed safe from snowstorms & the work that's piling up on your desk down at the office will we get by, will we get by, will we get by we won't know until the map lets us try bodies in motion sit around get paid oh, boy, what else should we do? we'll stay up sleep late quit this shit & run away I'll learn to fly a plane make birthday cakes live off of warm champagne & cheese plates this weekend love is making me tired I love you more than lions roar & oceans need salt than the internet is vital to the digital arts & getting famous more than sugarplums are known for their dance more than ella's good at scatting or the people in france all put together sit around get paid oh, boy, what else should we do? we'll stay up sleep late quit this shit & run away we'll join a circus show arrange bouquets we'll watch all our babies grow up & old this weekend love is making me tired bring back the lite-brite trend modern ballet be our generation's bonnie & clyde this weekend love is making me tired
4.
some trips build you up while others slowly break you down i planted our green love in california in the ground i miss your stories of dead scorpions in jars how your grandpa saved his cowboy life inside his car i thought i heard you say, "may the sun vibrate hope" but what you meant was, "you'll be just fine on your own" i can stitch a home up with a needle & a pen but back on highway 1 is our mountain i hope you understand these bourbon baubles that i send there's an ache in the midwestern bigsky grey it gets caught between your ribs & coughs for days on greyhound bus seats and stale underneath quilts it smells like lilacs, snow, cement, and baby's milk but movement suits me like the water and her fish the city breeds exhausted loud relationships i promise to behave and build our family i hope you'll promise to keep up eventually i hope youll try to learn to love the road with me i take 10 steps towards the border & then 2 back towards michigan i've lost track of new england i want to live like water i've drawn maps out of my veins & built a home on moving ground i've stripped the compass from my shoes i plan to move like water i think about new york, why everybody stays chicago will be better, tall windows, golden days i hope the distance won't shut down our liquored hearts i hope we push through all the things that will be hard i plan on forgiveness, lonesome nights, and postcards
5.
04:31
i'm a good woman, you're a good man the night just got caught between heartbeats and bare hands i'm selfish & sad  & you're a bad liar the green curtained snowstorm sang songs: ohia there are boys who wear beer shirts & boys who wear band shirts the one who like cats, the ones who like children i am bearing the bruises, blood vessels of guilt  high above the zoo, the car, the quilts johnny cat, ms simone, the hunger of this cause we're already halfway to judy garland trainwrecks, cheaters, singers, drunk for days throw me out with the skeletons that sleep in your garden let me go cause you know i've been sleeping throughout these days i'm a bad woman and you're a young man those songs were about me before we even made plans i'm a good singer but you're a good talker we have everything but i still miss my water i burn holes in my heart with coffee and mint how dare you see me as perfect as this i will dig my way out of these 5000 miles february, the ice storm, the women with child afterglow, eyelashes, tiny fires gone wild cause we're already halfway to judy garland trainwrecks cheaters singers hell to pay throw me out with the skeletons that sleep in your garden let me go cause you know i've been dreaming throughout these days i've taken these hearts in my fists & jumped ship but they'll get out alive, we'll all get out alive i'll keep above water, i'll stop being selfish i will get out alive i will get out alive i will get out alive i will get out alive i'm a small woman & you're a soft man so there was no future there for us to stand on you're a good mover but i'm a good faker i cut you the moon of my hips out of paper i wish all of the whispers & glances were tied to machines that made choices i could justify i will take it all back, you will write it all down high school girls, ginger rogers, the fever of sounds the 2/3, moonshine tailors, all the shit i allowed cause we're already halfway to judy garland trainwrecks cheaters singers underpaid throw me out with the skeletons that sleep in your garden let me go cause you know i'm sorry about these days
6.
am i truly ready to quit these arms i've grown to trust so hard or am i truly lying to myself, known it's been you all along well today feels like autumn; people are moving, currents are shifting & my eyes are adjusting to the sun my feet to the sand, my face to the wind & i will learn this life i will learn this life i will say goodbye to you i will learn this life i will learn this life i will build my own empire without you so you look me sternly in the face & say i've done you wrong but i think that living through these greys might just be a roadmap to grace & new songs & i tried to be better; i tried to work harder i tried not to panic or flirt but i've trudged through this love like an obstacle course & if you'd just buy one more drink, then baby i could be yours & i could learn this life i would learn this life i would say goodbye to you i will learn this life i will learn this life i will climb the highest spire with no parachute i like the way i look in blurry photos like a ghost who knows what was right but i've silenced that spirit; i've questioned my judgement set the city on fire bar to bar through the night and now the seagulls they follow these secret lines that pull them across the sky and the buildings perforate the clouds & the ferris wheel spins, & the waves keep on waving & now on the horizon these sailboats are staggered like paintings on porcelain plates & i want to stay here, i want to be with you but all we learn to adapt, we all learn to escape i just came here to tell you i love you.

about

written between autumn 2007 & autumn 2008. love & thanks to all the people who talked with me on the phone on the many drives up & down I90.

credits

released January 15, 2009

all songs copyright 2009 anna vogelzang/cant d'ocell music (ASCAP). all songs written by anna vogelzang except for track 3 (vogelzang/young). recorded in anna's laundry room (madison, WI) & guy's attic (portsmouth, NH). mixed & mastered by eric boulanger in ojai, CA. produced by anna vogelzang. artwork by birdie watts. www.theanna.com.

performed by anna vogelzang with loving help from andrew young (3), guy capecelatro (1 & 5), emilyn brodsky (5) & emily hope price (5).

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Anna Vogelzang Los Angeles, California

the internet will break your heart.

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